I am always tired. I work hard because I expect others to do the same, and I am past the point in my life where I can delegate authority without giving myself an equal (usually larger) workload. I will relish the day when I am not constantly striving for more money, more respect, more time or more of anything, really. I walked Maureen’s kids down to Riverfront Park this morning. I rushed them along the riverside route behind Schoenberg and the Red Lion, yelling at them to hurry up and stop playing with their Legos.
Franz took off for a minute, hiding in brown shrubs bordering the river, shrubs taller than his 6 year old frame. An atrocity. I’m all about getting to the destination, getting on the ferris wheel, placing them onto the painted merry-go-round horses and breathing a sigh of relief when we finally do what we set out to do.
Kids cannot be corralled. As a testament to my impatience, the rides weren’t even open today. Confronted with the fact that I had rushed these tiny, young things for a mile to end up in a deserted wonderland, we had some halfhearted ice cream and toy shop perusing. I felt so bad that I had disappointed them. I was all set for some serial ride hopping, with stray dollars and three hours to kill.
Thank God, there is someone on my side. Paul ran down to the mall from school and entertained the crap out of those kids, running with them through the park and swinging them wildly by their hands. He helped me walk them all the way back to campus (no easy feat with a sleeping 2 year old on my shoulder) and refused to take any of the money I received from their mother. Paul then immediately drove me to my job interview for a lifeguarding position and slept in his car for half an hour while I was questioned by my (please) future employers. (I forgot the acronym SAFETY. Fuck.) I think that I am all alone in my struggles, but then that guy comes along and does a million things for me without complaint or even reason. Paul also needs to spend all of his free time studying, which he wasn’t able to do today because of me.
I realize that most of my posts are somehow about Paul. This probably makes me sound like one of THOSE girls; those girls who worship their boyfriend, have always had a boyfriend, and cannot imagine life without him/them. For my (expansive) reader base who has not known me in high school, know that I am the antithesis of that girl. I can easily imagine life without Paul, having spent most of my life without him or any love interest, for that matter. I envision that life to be a much hollower and duller version. Life is so much more exciting when you experience it in tandem with someone like Paul. Successes are ever so much better, failures dramatically lessened and adventures significantly, significantly more appreciated. He spends so much time studying and in class, I value every moment I spend with him.
Secondly, he is my first real boyfriend. I have always made fun of girls who boyfriend-hopped, and secretly considered myself undatable. I still kind of do, actually, so that makes this even more wonderful. One day, he might wake up and realize that I am insane, but until that day comes, I am going to enjoy this as much as I can. 🙂
Thirdly, I do not worship Paul. We getting irritated with each other all the time, and I will often kick him out of his kitchen because I am a particular cook. He took some initiative recently and taught himself how to make pizza. His pizza skills now rival my own, so I suppose I barely have the upper hand in cooking anymore.
I am not sure where this post is going because I am exhausted, my arms are tired from carrying Mr. Johnny and I have a Bulletin meeting in less than an hour. I guess the synthesis of this thing is that I really, really, really like that Paul. 🙂